Critical Lens Peer Review

critical lens reverse outline

Writer’s name: Bailey Jeffries

Reviewer’s name: Khamelia Jones

Writer’s text Text 1 : Megan Thee Stallion is a famous female rapper from Houston, Texas. Standing at 5’10, Megan is known for representing the beauty associated with tall women despite societal efforts to associate height with masculinity. Text 2: In Constructing Normalcy, by Davis he analyzes how “norms” were established and both the positive and benefit effects of this term.Thesis:“Both Davis and Megan advocate for the danger of societal norms, in this case height, which can cause tall women to feel like outcasts in a society that prefers women of average or below average height.”

Notes: The first paragraph serves as an introduction to the topic. It then introduces how in “constructing normalcy” “norms” are established. Text 1 and 2 are introduced individually and then compared in the thesis. The paragraph  ends with the thesis which is quoted above. This is a good comparison of both texts to segway into the following body texts

Writer’s text Statement 1:  “During the time of ancient kingdoms and civilization, thin women were less desirable because weight correlated to access to food and wealth during that time.”Statement 2: “In today’s society, social media influences the majority as to what to accept as the normal idealized look for women.”

Notes: Statement 1 seems to give historical context of the body size of women. Statement 2 discusses the “normal idealized look” of women. Statement 2 is further explained and supported with quotes for evidence. To strengthen and support statement 1, quotes to serve as evidence could be provided. This paragraph compares a quote from Davis stating how being outside of the “norm” will receive judgement. Bailey states how this judgement and opinions on social media can affect these women.

Writer’s textQuote 1 : “There are bell curve graphs and distributions made for one to compare their measurements to average heights and weights that you usually learn about at an annual doctor’s appointment.”Quote 2: “Davis states, “ the average man, the body of the man in the middle becomes the exemplar of the middle way of life”Quote 3: “The term significant is used to describe extreme data points, but society calls these extremist outcasts.”

Notes:  A picture of a common bell curve graph at the end could help the reader gain a visual of what is being discussed.  The quote “middle way of life”  can be connected to Megan and the reality of the perception of height by stating in this case the “middle way of life” would be women who are 5’3 and fall into the “average” height of women. For a comparison statement between quote 3 and megan’s situation, Bailey can reinforce how Megan would be considered an extreme outcast due to her height being significant and outside of the average.

Writer’s textTopic Sentence: Through the lens of Davis “ Constructing Normalcy”, Megan thee Stallion is the perfect example of someone who is battling with societal norms. Sentence 2: Her unique platform is based primarily on her representation of a tall woman, however, the strength and resilience she displays to publicly be a tall black woman is what gained her most of her followers.

Notes:The topic sentence serves as a great way of restating the thesis. Before the next sentence, a summary of the main topics of the body paragraphs could be included to strengthen the conclusion.

Writer’s text https://edition.cnn.com/2018/03/07/health/body-image-history-of-beauty-explainer-intl/index.html https://edition.cnn.com/2018/03/07/health/body-image-history-of-beauty-explainer-intl/index.html https://genius.com/a/megan-thee-stallion-reflects-on-being-pitted-against-women-in-rap-her-snl-performance

Notes: Links to be in MLA for format

Metaphor Essay Peer Review

Med 3 Metaphor Peer review

Writer’s Name: Jenna Fiorentino

Reviewer’s name: Khamelia Jones

Part 1: The grading rubric. Assess the draft using the same essay I’ll be using for evaluation. Please keep the tone friendly, and offer as many suggestions as you can. Your writer may not enact the suggestions, but alternatives are always helpful in refining argument.

Criteria	Required elements
Comparative thesis statement	0 to 15 pointsThe introduction contextualizes and contains a comparative thesis statement. The statement references both the foundation text and a metaphor/language identified from a text outside of the Narrative Medicine texts. The thesis statement explains the relationship between the two metaphors and/or texts.
General comments	I liked the structure of the essay and the incorporation of personal experience in certain parts through the writing.
What is the thesis statement?	“Although these metaphors help us build upon and explain our ideas, they can also obscure our understanding of pain and suffering.” This is mentioned as the last sentence in the first paragraph. I feel like this would be the thesis because it introduces the topic of the following paragraphs.
What is the relationship between the two metaphors?	Both metaphors are said to generate negative connotations that obscure the reality and understanding of pain and suffering.
Definition	0 to 25 pointsThe initial metaphor is defined according to the foundation text’s author. The essay writer uses quotes and/or paraphrase from the foundation text to “prove” how the metaphor works according to the foundation text’s author. The second metaphor is similarly set forth.
Your comments and suggestions	Added as comments to the doc. Both metaphors were explained thoroughly.  The essay goes into detail on how the metaphors provide negative connotations for the reader to understand.
Comparison and Analysis	0 to 30 pointsThere is direct comparison of the two metaphors. The essay’s author explains why the two metaphors/ sets of language are being compared. Do they contradict or corroborate each other? Is there similarity or difference in the effect that the metaphor has? The essay’s author also explains, and provides evidence, that supports the comparative analysis.
Your comments and suggestions	I feel the comparison of both texts could have been explained more since it was frequently separated and discussed individually.   Added as comments to the doc.
Conclusion	0 to 15 pointsThe conclusion restates the thesis and refers to the leading question asked in the assignment: How does metaphor obscure or illuminate our understanding of suffering, pain, disease or illness? The conclusion summarizes the body content and ends with a unique statement relevant to the content.
	Including personal experience that connects to the topic provides readers (like me) to also relate because of the shared experience of not knowing the complex definition of a metaphor.
Mechanics	0 to 15 pointsCitation of sources is accurate both in text, and in the Works Cited list. There are few, if any, grammatical or punctuation errors. Formatting conforms to MLA 8 standards, and the essay is between 1000 and 1500 words.
	Since this is a draft, you don’t need to make comments on mechanics.

Outsider Narrative Peer Review

Peer review of Outsider(s) narrative

Writer’s name: Bailey Jeffries 

Reviewers’ names: Vianyi Sanchez, Khamelia Jones 

Does your peer’s text fit the definition of a narrative? How? If so, why not? 

(PS…make sure you understand the definition of a narrative when you answer this question)

Yes, Bailey talks about a past experience and how it made her feel. She describes how the experience made her feel and how she faced the situation. She also explains why this event/experience made her feel like an outcast.  

Is the language natural? Does diction and tone match the environment, events, and characters depicted in the narrative? How so or why not?

The language in the narrative is natural. The diction and tone Bailey uses perfectly describes the environment and  her emotions in the narrative. 

What’s the most memorable moment of the writer’s narrative? What struck you about this part of the writing?

The most memorable moment in Bailey’s narrative was the part where she said “The stress and anxiety associated with living a life that truly isn’t yours is exhausting.”  This part caught my attention because I was able to see that Bailey didn’t fully connect with her new life. I was able to see that  we do not see the struggles that popular people go through, we only see what they want us to see. 

Is there a part of the narrative that needs support, expansion or explanation? Which part and why?  I believe that the writer could provide her audience with more information on how she went through the process of finding herself. This way her intended audience who are going through a similar situation would gain tips to embracing their true selves. 

State the writer’s purpose for composing this text.    

I believe that the purpose of writing this text is for the writer to share a memorable experience of hers to an audience that can relate. Showing them they are not alone and a way she persevered through all of the emotion and hardships she internally went through growing up.

Is there an audience that you think would really respond to this narrative? What audience and why? 

I think the audience the writer is speaking to would be those students who want to fit in with the popular kids and don’t feel worthy enough to do so. The students who would change everything about them to fit in or receive acknowledgement from the popular crowd. This is the writer’s intended audience because they would have connected the most with the writer’s story.

What does this writer want you to take away from this narrative? 

The writer wants it to be known that a desire to be popular can drain you emotionally, physically and mentally. If being popular is what one truly desires do not lose your true self in the process and feel like an outsider to your own self.

Peer review of Outsider(s) narrative

Writer’s name: Adebola Ademola 

Reviewers’ names: Khamelia Jones, Vianyi Sanchez

Does your peer’s text fit the definition of a narrative? How? If so, why not? 

Yes, she describes and connects the events that took place to the way she was feeling. A connection is drawn between the events that took place and her reasoning for feeling like an outcast. 

(PS…make sure you understand the definition of a narrative when you answer this question)

Is the language natural? Does diction and tone match the environment, events, and characters depicted in the narrative? How so or why not? 

The diction used in explaining the narrator’s personal interactions fit both the environment presented and the characters.

What’s the most memorable moment of the writer’s narrative? What struck you about this part of the writing? 

The most memorable part of the writer’s narrative would be as stated  “I don’t understand why she has to make us Caribbeans look bad! Just go back to your country,” she said irritatingly.” The reasoning would be because I believe in modern society the majority of people that live in America have probably gone through a situation where they feel like they don’t belong. Most have probably been told to go back to their country. Therefore reading this immediately made me connect this to other people in America.

Is there a part of the narrative that needs support, expansion or explanation? Which part and why?

As a reader my curiosity would like to hear more about what happened during the field trip and more of what emotions she felt or thought of during the trip.

State the writer’s purpose for composing this text.

The writer is sharing an experience she had in the past that had a major impact on her.

Is there an audience that you think would really respond to this narrative? What audience and why? 

I think people born outside the US that emigrated to the US would have a connection with this narrative. As stated I believe the emotions in the situation the writer went through can be relatable in others.

What does this writer want you to take away from this narrative? 

I believe the writer sharing her experience as an outsider is to express to her audience that they are not alone. That others go through the same experience.

I-Search Paper Peer Review

Do you “hear” the writer in this text? Where do you see the writer’s personal narrative or perspective? And, are there other voices speaking? Are there stories from other narrators represented?

Yes, I hear the writer’s voice in this text at the beginning. I believe the frequent use of the word “we” for example saying “we must examine” is a way that Kristen is grouping herself with the audience. While she further explains her examinations, the reader can now believe they are viewing the findings together with Kristen instead of just listening and reading her perspective on what she has found.  I also hear her voice when she uses repetition in the following statements: “For twelve hours the hospital neglected to care for a dying mother. For twelve hours a black woman was hemorrhaging, resulting in her organs shutting down. In twelve hours, a newborn’s mother would lie on an operating table dead.” The stressing of “twelve hours” helps to enforce the long time period in which healthcare providers neglected care and it lets the reader know how important this length of time is to the writer.

Does my thesis encompass all the points I discuss in the paper? (I’m worried that it’s a little too specific) 

I actually don’t think it’s too specific. You are stating the reason that the disproportionate rate of black women being at an increased chance of maternal morbidity in postpartum care is due to racial disparities.  The racial disparities is what is focused on further in the essay.  You proceed to discuss racial disparities in specific procedures such as stating how black women are more likely to receive C-sections. Then you discuss the history of these racial disparities and refute other factors such as socioeconomic status as the cause of your topic. This reinforces race in the healthcare field as the key factor of your topic. 

Do I support each of my arguments enough? Does the logic/arguments make sense?

I believe your use of multiple sources supports your argument. I believe the quotes : “In 2017, the C-section rate for black women was 36 percent compared to 30.9 percent for non-Hispanic white women” and “ Black women are three to four times more likely to die from pregnancy-related causes than white women” are your strongest quotes being as it provides an actual realistic look on how common your topic is. How common c-section (the procedure you stated to be the likely cause of childbirth death) and childbirth deaths are among black women vs. white women. The statistics confirm your claims as accurate. Therefore, I believe further explanation and connection of the quotes could strengthen your argument. Maybe you could even find an image of a chart or graph for the reader to refer to in order to visualize how significant these statistics are. Visuals often help readers to understand writing better.

Do you think I rely too much on the sources?

I believe the more sources used will provide more evidence to back up your claims. This will more than likely strengthen your argument. However, when you use a lot of quotes and information from these texts, you should frequently connect it to your argument. This way it will always reinforce your previous statements. Even if it’s just a sentence or two of analyzing the quotes you’ve inserted in your paper it is significant. By forming a connection between the quotes and your argument, it won’t seem like you are relying on your sources; it’ll be viewed more as a way of proving your argument and claims are accurate.